So today I was planning on chilling in my room, download some music and throw it on some CDs and what not. Discovered my new favorite band, Bullet For My Valentine. they're amazing. They're not screaming so much that it annoys me, and I can actually listen to it and sing along. So that made my day...

My sister stopped by and forced me to help her clean her friends place and watch her kids for a little bit today, then we had planned on seeing fireworks in York, which were cancelled. I got $20 out of it, so yay for that! I missed little JoAnna, shes so adorable. I watched this girl from when she was a tiny newborn baby, grow up to the adorable spoiled 6 year old that she is. I'm quite happy to be in her life. I hope that I have some sort of impact on her, if its even getting her into Metal music, at least it'll be something to show for. lol. I will take her to a metal show one day...

My ex has been in touch with me a lot lately. His dad and step-mom are getting divorced and so I guess his father is on him about everything all the time, I feel horrible about it. I know it's not my problem, but I kinda want him to come spend some time with me rather than around all that negativity. I hate it when good people are stuck in horrid environments. Then again, I think that his father and him need to bond a bit, perhaps his father could use getting away for a little bit. --Tomorrow he and I have planned on pizza and movies to try to cheer him up a little, it's quite stressful from what I gather, I've never been through a parents divorce myself, though my parents are constantly at eachother's throats... I just hope my boyfriend understands why I'd be hanging out with Matt. Then again, he does talk to his ex's all the time... not something that I usually do.

Life sure does have it's up's and down's.

So last night I decided to ignore what I found when I went through things I wasnt even supposed to be in. It is bothering me a little, but it isnt entirely tearing me apart. I'm acting as though nothing was found and so far its working.

I came home to my parents house this afternoon for a little bit, Chris wanted to have his friends over and feels wierd about having them and me around at the same time seeing as how I don't play video games. So here I am, it's not like I had anything to do there. i could use some time alone. Perhaps I can get back into touch and hang out with a few old friends... doubt it'll happen but I can try.

I just got myself into a kinda bad situation today, and I tend to overreact on things or think the worst of the situation, so i need help.
 
My boyfriend had to go to work and I needed to smoke but when I opened the box up I saw a SD card. I didnt think too much about it at first but he usually doesnt hide anything from me, and I let curiosity get the best of me, and put it in my computer to have a quick look.

We have this kinda respect for eachother where one doesnt go through the others stuff and vice versa. You stay out of my things and I'll stay out of yours... which worked great not that i had anything to hide but it worked to keep arguments.. until now.

I found pictures of him and two of his past ex's. Stuff you'd have when your in a relationship with someone, the cutesy couple pics... then I look a little farther and found the X rated shots of the girls.

He kept them.

I know he didnt just forget about the pics after he broke up with them and everything because in a separate folder is a picture of me and him.

I have no idea how to approach this situation, because I dont want to break up with him. He's been the best boyfriend I've had... He doesnt really ever give me reason to doubt him in any way... and when I saw these pics, it kinda hurt a lot... I dont want to have him know that I went through his things you know? I feel like an asshole for doing it, and I got what i deserve, not wanting to know that he has those.

I need an opinion on how to go about this situation... should i say something? Or should I keep quiet and try to forget it?

I woke up this morning in such a good mood. Even though Chris was late for work he was pretty much in an okay mood as well while rushing.

I'm back from the city, got back sunday night. As expected, get my two sisters together and they're going to fight about something. There can never be any peace at my parents house, if it's not one thing it's another. It's probably why I try to find somewhere else to go all the time. My parents fight about things all day, mom's just menopausal though so she's angry on/off like shes bipolar when she usually acts like a Nun. lol.

Chris hasnt given me an answer as to when I can officially move in... I still dont understand what might be the hold up. He gave me a key to the apartment the day he moved in, then most of my stuff is here already, and i spend weeks at a time here. I asked him last night when he'd let me put the change of address form in the mail, and he just shrugged... I dont read minds well at all, or his at least... He's so intimidating. I havent met someone I couldnt read easily before, you know? But I don't want to completely move in unless he wants me to and it's difficult with him shrugging at my question.

I applied for a job across the street at the school for Cleaning. I hope I get it. Takes away some of the boredom during the day. It's 2nd and 3rd shift openings only though. They asked for a letter of interest, and I made that shit look awesome and professional. Resume slipped in the envalope with it as well... God I hope they call me.

When I first started dating Chris, he would text me all the time and tell me how much he misses me... he'd tell me sweet things and I wouldnt have to text him first. Months later and it seems like he could care less. Video games and his friends are more important than me it seems. The only time I can ever get the least bit of attention is when I'm at the apartment with him.

The only time he'd texted me lately before I got ahold of him was the day after I let him know about the van that had followed me down Flower City when I walked to CVS. He texted me yesterday to ask if I was okay. Soon as I said yes my phone was silent again.

Have I become old news or something to him? Is he bored with me?? I dont like it when he doesnt speak to me. Not that he really ever did before, usually we cant keep a conversation just because he's so straight-to-the-point with things.

He asked me to move in with him when he got the apartment, and I want to, but he keeps putting it off. Half of my things are there already. Each time I ask him about letting me move in completely he says "A few more weeks.." or "I want to make sure that I can afford everything for the bills and for us before you come for good." I guess I can understand the 2nd excuse, but how long am I really supposed to wait? I cant look for a job until I'm settled, and I cant keep asking for rides to his place every few days. The only other thing I can think of thats keeping him from letting me move in the rest of the way is that he's either not ready for such a commitment (yet he can have me there for a week or so at a time).... or (this one I really dread and sorta doubt... but is possible) he's got someone else staying over every so often.

I'd ask him straight out what's up but I dont want to start anything if i do by being the "insecure girlfriend"... He's pretty open about everything. Anytime I've been the least suspicious of anything going on, I feel like an asshole when I find out I'm wrong. I think that everythings just bugging me lately because I don't hear from him like i used to, and I'm not around as much as I want to be. He gets so busy with work that when he gets out I just want to be with him, and forget that he does have a life outside of home and work.

Tonight he's hanging out at his friends house, I texted him to make plans for when I get back because our weekend was cancelled due to the inconsiderate sister. He only said "ok".

I just dont understand... Do I bother him or something? :/ I'm probably thinking too much about it... but it's a little difficult. I'm stuck in Rochester alone, all my friends out here decided that the plans we had this week were nothing and neglect to keep them, and even with some stranger in a van following me down the street I still try to keep my cool and think positive about everything, and he cant even talk to me.

Guess I'll just get over it though.

Today I ran out of face wash and toothpaste. If I wanted to wash my face or brush my teeth later today I had to run to the store and get something, so I did. Came back with some Crest, Rockstar, Fathers Day card, I Love You! card, and the most amazing thing in the planet, Olay Face Wash for Sensitive Skin.

This stuff not only cleans your face and removes your makeup, it works miracles! I used it tonight [made sure I didnt get it near my eyes], and somehow it managed to get all my eye gunk off! Do you realize how big this is??

It's HUGE!

Usually I have to use some form of astringent or those Stridex pads to wipe off the eye makeup left over from Mascara and liquid eye smear stuff... but this Olay shit took it right off no problem. && My skin feels sooooo clean. I can touch it over and over again and feel amazed.



The Rockstar kicked ass too... =]

So I was on the phone with my mom tonight, and she mentioned information that would have been useful to me last thursday... My sister and brother-in-law is on vacation in Florida, not sure if I mentioned that in one of my previous blog posts.

They informed me that I would be watching their animals from the 11th to the 19th, and that was what I had agreed to. They even paid me for it, which rocked considering I really needed the minutes on my phone... which was where most of the money went to. I have just enough food to last me through the 19th if I'm careful and skip a lunch or two. No biggy... but they told my mom tonight that they wont be back until sunday the 21st, and I wouldnt be going home until monday after they get out of work.

I have had problems with my sister and brother-in-law before. They tend to be lazy assholes. I thought though, that after a year of not living with them and giving them their space to try to have a normal "married couple life". Maybe they'd learn to take care of their home and mature up a little, you know? .......Nope. Not them. They cant possibly be bothered with cleaning a little before having their sis over to take care of animals. Instead they're gonna have her clean the entire damn house full of dog and cat fur, dust and pop bottles, and do the sink full of moldy dishes so she has something to eat off of when she's here for the week.

I kinda think what really sets me off is that they didnt even bother to tell me the schedule change, like, they're gonna be in Florida, Disneyworld or whatever they have there, while I'm waiting downstairs all afternoon, bags packed and ready to spend the weekend with my boyfriend, which we had plans for the weekend. Nope. Not even the decency to give me a single call or text to tell me. Mom's gotta do it for them.



I dont understand why I bother doing things for them anymore, they never seem to have any courtesy for me.

Not too long ago I was reduced to a prepay phone from Verizon. It sucked. I'm still getting used to it, but being jobless doesnt help put minutes on the phone.

I just found out today what happens when you take off the $10 unlimited mobile to mobile text messaging bundle... The $25 that I had tuesday when I added minutes had reduced to $9 when I checked today. Things were so much easier when I was a child and didnt even think about having a cell phone. I ended up readding the bundle today, Would be so much easier if I could afford the $400 down + whatever it costs to get a new phone.



I'm in Rochester this week, its so dull here. I get the house to myself all week since im babysitting the dog and 4 cats for my sister and her husband. They're going on vacation to Florida, making a stop in the Carolina's for a wedding. Lucky.  but Maybe I'll get to chill with a few friends I havent seen in about a year. I missed out on a lot when I moved last July to Perry to live with my other sister. I'll see I guess which friends get back to me.

The title pretty much says it all, Ive had account after account randomly here every so often and then just deleting it and month or so later coming back. I'm not deleting this one, lol, when i do get in the mood to write anything I wont have to make a new account lol.


Anyone read the Twilight series? I'm on Breaking Dawn right now, I've been reading these books one per day. I seriously get so sucked into them when I'm reading, then when I finish off the book I realize again they're not real people & I am not immortal. lol. I Love it when books can make you feel like your really there in the story, rather than just being the reader behind the book.